Full Circle and various bitches!

It's here again - the end of the riding season, (March to November). What to do now - there's only so much wax one can put on ride and they don't make winter boots my "Rain Maker"!
It's a wet fall to date, not out around much, (on either bike); my little apartment is feeling closer than ever - time for a change there me thinks.
Out with friends I work with recently, socialables! No work BS, just some good old bitching, and carrying on...and just what the hell is with that guy who has to repeat his position of authority all the time!? Freaking IDIOT! Dumbass is half the cause of the work BS, how do people like that get the lead position in ... oh wait, it's a government job! "Those who can't do, get promoted out"...at least that's my hope.

Ramones - Shock Treatment

I was feeling sick I was loosing my mind I heard about these treatments
From a good friend of mine he was always happy smile on his face
He said he had a great time at the place

Peace and love is here to stay and now I can wake up and face the day
Happy happy happy all the time shock treatment, I'm doing fine

Things left unsaid...reprise

A little while ago I posted about missing a communication with a client when i didn't specifically state to leave the computer powered on so that I could connect remotely.

I've been working with the same client, (but another individual) and we've been joking about just that, (I need to connect remotely after hours and she's been making sure the computer is on).

Well, I still can't connect, we didn't enable remote connections...D'oh!

My bad, "Fisher Price" instruction set in the our future i think!

Leading Edge Technology

Considering I work with some leading edge IT/IM processes and technologies...I still program in DOS and batch files...so...how far have we really come?

Things said, Things to be said

So, I got it again - that elusive, wide eyed spark of understanding when my client suddenly understands some far out configuration I implement. That's what I'm talking about baby! Thanks Jennie!

What is it with people on the sidewalks who don't move over!? Really. I don't care that you want to walk beside the other one and talk...simple courtesy, move over bitch.
And as I am bitching, what is it with people who stand directly in front of elevator doors blocking all who want to get out? Don't you realize you are in the way? MOVE!

Just had to get that out!

no words necessary

Biking again

Despite the great weather we've been experiencing here lately it's not until this past Sunday that i finally got out trail riding again - I've been afraid to hit the streets, (so many killed in the recent past) and the shared use paths are not really shared use, (freaking prejudiced pedestrian!)!

First ride of season = first crash of season!

I rode in the Kanata Lakes/South March Highlands area - this is a really great area offering all the challenge I can handle and more. Aside from the physical challenge of the trails, (some of it is beyond me and I hike more than ride) but there is also the challenge of finding my way too!

There's something ... therapeutic about that kind of riding. Concentrate on keeping the rubber side down, concentrate on maneuvering the obstacles and all the while, zoning out the crap of the day to day grind. Physical pain to clear the soul!

Woot, can't wait to fix my bike and head out again, (I did mention a crash yes?!)

Splish Splash

Heat wave in Ottawa!

and with it comes the stick/splash splish/flip of sweaty flip flops.

Ew!

Stop the Spinning...

What is it that drives us to do what we do? How is it that we keep working when it's become...boring, (how do I keep myself...motivated)?

There's no reward in it anymore; I can make a computer dance and sing, configure up enterprise level applications, squeal a database and write my own program when I need it.

Yeehaw.

It used to be that there was some reward in it and that was enough to push me on to the next project and so on; and at times the money reflected the effort - but I've lost all interest.

I hung out with a friend Friday evening, (she's a cool chic and we always seem to have some really intense and revealing conversations over a bottle of red); but there's a problem with having friends that are as smart as she...they are smart - and there's no BS with her! In our conversation she hit on some of the very things that have been spinning my head, (I am not sure she realized how close she cut).

Anyway...she has an enthusiasm from her work that lights up her face when she's telling me about it! She was quite animated telling describing her latest deliverable, (and rightfully so, it was good). I had to grill her about what keeps her going at it. She understood right off but couldn't really shed any light, just share her excitement and passion.

the search continues...

up too early again

have you ever questioned your own sanity?

what about make yourself believe that food is not good to eat, (loose 30 lbs in 8 months because now you eat so little) - make yourself sick when you eat?

Believe that you are doing good work when it's all failing?

what's more tastey - Smarties or M & M's?

It's all about the salt...no really! Limit your food to only fresh foods, (veggies, fruits and dead animals) but with no salt...do this for some time, (at least a year) - it's a good way to be. Now, on a whim, add salt to a freshly baked chicken...oh baby!


"Wouldn't it be great if i was crazy! Then the world would be ok"

Did you know? "Smarties", (Nestle) are now advertising that they use no artificial colors - "prepared from natural sources". What does that mean, really? Take some color agent and mechanically work it to create...what?

"I am insane...and you are my insanity"?

I've finally figured out a "natural" method to stop the snail infestation of my aquariums...it's copper! I've tried serveral natural methods, but the best results have been realized by using using copper filings from an older penny, (current pennies are not made with copper). Using some emery clothe sand paper, i sanded several pennies and added the sanding to the filter systems and within two weeks most of the snails have been eliminated! yeay! I hate those damn things!...going to "cure" the other tank today - hopefully, i won't over does the tank though!

04:00 hrs

what is the definition of pathetic...0400 hrs and "fishing" in an online game!

See me go to the office to work at 0600 hrs on a Saturday - Gah, i need a life!

Junk the Bed

Insomnia has hit again!
I broke my last insomnia by moving from sleeping in my bed to sleeping on the floor and I've been there for a couple of weeks, but last night I went back to the bed. Not a good move apparently because today I am exhausted, in pain and believe it or not, not my usual "freaking beaming ray of freaking sunshine" self!

I downloaded and watch the movie "Insomnia" too. There were some interesting insights given as the Pacino portrays a 6 days battle for sleep; of note, the frustrations and hallucinations! Yeah yeah, it is only a movie, but I've been there and can attest to seeing cars on the road when driving, or being furious at the light creeping in around the windows and yes, I've taped off the windows too, (a proper tuck tape does a good job)!

Due to the distorted concept of time, the mind works over time thinking about any and everything! I had a rather large and at the time I believed in depth post to make however when I re-read the draft this morning, I've decided it was total crap!

I've decided I am going to junk the bed and set up on the floor again.

Things left unsaid...

I made arrangements on Friday to telecommute in Toronto; after some discussion of both her requirements and mine we had all the plans made.
During our conversation she provided such details as the network computer identification, (so that I would connect to the correct machine), authentication credentials and a time frame - I would remotely connect to her computer examine the installations and then execute my test scripts, (informing her of the results on Monday). I expended some effort to ensure my work would have as little impact to her responsibilities and that she was comfortable with what to expect, I thought we covered all the necessities...that is until I tried to connect this morning - the one thing I did not say was the her computer had to be turned on!
Oof!

Stray thought...

It suddenly hit me that just about this time last year I was dealing with a cancer scare.
How strange that I've thought of that tonight - wth?

Musings

Oof, it's the morning after, the typical remorse and embarrassment after an evening of boozing it up, bull shitting and carrying on has settled in - my head should be a brick this morning but it isn't - Oh and there's a story about my missing keys - yeay me!

I finally checked those lottery tickets this morning - of the nine tickets, only two had any winnings, and those were for the smallest "prize" - won't cover the taxi fare to get back to my car, (pump it back into a dream ticket!).

I've been watching TV this morning too! Well, kind of watching it; I've turned it on and there are kids cartoons on it - it makes a noise here - kills the institutional environment of my crappy little apartment maybe?

I am kind of pissed with the contract I am working on currently , it has the feeling of a political thing for the agency to disprove the effectiveness of a certain application vendor and it is feeling like a bad place to have my name/work attached to it. The contract is finished at the end of the month and to be honest my heart isn't into it anymore - my job is to provide a solution, not to break them!

It used to be that I didn't direct my career, but rather let it direct me; and I have been somewhat successful however, (as I have stated in an earlier post) I am completely dis-satisfied with my career lately, and I've been struggling to decide on what to do about it. The speculation surrounding this last job does have one benefit; I've been obliged to look more closely at the industry within which I am working. There's many facets and a lot of politics but I believe I have an opportunity to now get ahead of the game and position my career for the near future! It is a gamble, however it will be better than wallowing in uncertainty and provides me with a challenge and finally some direction too. No play, no reward.

My kids are growing up. Being physically so far away from them emphasizes the realization of how much they are maturing when I see it. My oldest is driving a car now, (even has his own car) and this weekend he did what has been seen as a passage of rights for young people in that small town...he made the 200 km trip to "Town" on his own for the first time. I can remember my own first time! Kick me, I am getting old.


Seasonal Affective Disorder.
AKA - winter depression or winter blues. Uh huh. So, winter has finally broken! Although I suspect Momma Nature will still throw another winter storm before all is said and done, spring is here! We all are happier for it I am sure, I know I am. No snow, no - 20 degree weather, no wrapping up in so many layers just to keep warm! Woot!
I brought the "Rain Maker" out of hibernation last weekend! It was refreshing to just drive for the sake of driving...there's something freeing about being that close to ... everything! The asphalt is only inches under my feet, wind gets you everywhere like water when you're swimming, little kids point and stare, and smarter people would not be riding just yet! It's still freaking cold!
Note to self, remember the red light means stop!

Bitching about Office Politics / Professional Suicide

I have been in Ottawa just over 5 years and I have found that there is as much politics away from the hill as there is on the hill. That shouldn't be surprising, really however considering how small the professional community I work in is, it can also be a very dangerous game to play.

It is something I work hard to stay out of, (I will leave that to someone who is good at it). The politics are usually covert statements, more whispers or hints, of allegations of some misconduct, (hint hint nudge nudge wink wink) and so one can usually keep out of the stories and games relatively easily - but these games can still catch you from behind, and sometimes, dangerously so.

On a evening out with a couple of colleagues/friends, a third came along and was introduced to me. Nice enough girl who "just happens" to be involved in the same work arena as myself and the others, (wink wink). We met again several days later in a honestly professional capacity and she is now a client for my employer, and I am out of the game again - a little innocent politicking and business moves on.

I recently met up with "her" in the office and was hit with a nasty request...

"Can I ask you a question - and keeping in mind as I ask that I am asking not as one professional to another, but as a girl with whom you've shared some drinks with ... I've heard that you are working with *insert name here* lately; did you know that he did the original set up at our office? Tell me, what is your opinion of *insert name here* work? Is he ..."

WTF!?

You don't have to be very "SMRT", (intentionally spelled SMRT) to see where she was going with this; I consider myself to be at least as SMRT as the average bear!

That was taking the office politics game to professional suicide! Therein lies my bitch - did she really think I would shred another colleague on her behave? Did she really think that little of my own professionalism, does she value her own that little?

The muse? This game is all around, all the time...and to be honest, one I am tiring of. It wears on the soul...having to watch what you say to whom, questioning what one says to you, this game of watching your back, and your front all the time...

Grr!

40 Something Sucks

Dating in my 40's sucks!
It used to be so easy - I had my ideals of what is and what should be and they were all I needed however a recent, kind of relationship destroyed my "black and white" rules of engagement.

It used to be that when in a relationship I committed to and demanded monogamy, both physical and emotional. Now, since I've been dating mostly girls who are not single, there was little need to concern myself with that! What's more, I never really knew the husbands or other "partners" so jealousy was never a concern either - like I said, it was easy, (on me especially).

So what? Well, in an effort to change things up and get on a path, I cleared house, kind of. I am not dating anyone of late and so, here I am today, (Valentines day!) not dating any one and realizing that the silence in my apartment is too loud.

I could go back to dating married girls, but that is leaving me empty, I don't trust in monogamy and that all accumulates to ... an empty apartment.
Dating in my 40's sucks!

Keeping the Dream Alive

I have 6 lotto 6/49 tickets for various draws pinned to the wall, each one is an "instant pick" with encore.

I never check them - that way the dream stays alive; they all might be winners and I can keep on dreaming; or i can check them and know that I have to go back to work.

40 Something Sucks

So, I turned 40 last year - yeay me; it has been a very difficult year personally, professionally and romantically.

It's probably just the the infamous "mid life crisis" but I think, more than just that. I made some life style changes, started several "projects", (work things, eating vegetarian, dropped 25 lbs) to break out of the slump that 40 put me into but nothing pulls my head out of the sand. I even went so far as to buy a motorcycle, (I just couldn't be the balding 40 year old ass in a Corvette or convertible sports car) but here I am a year later and still struggling.

I have decided that I am thoroughly unhappy with my career. Monster number 1.

It's not the people I work with, they are great but there's simply no personal reward in it anymore, (it was never big money but I stayed at it because it was mostly fun...now it isn't that either). So now I am debating a career change; I am also debating whether to move to another city to change things up. I have even been thinking I could head down to the US, or further, Australia? New Zealand, Ireland? Who knows? I certainly don't at this point, but I have concluded that I can't reasonably make such a large decision until I get my head out of the mir it's in!

to be continued...

Creed

"Wrong Way"

What makes you touch?
What makes you feel?
What makes you stop and smell the roses in an open field?
What makes you unclean?...

Side Walk Surfing

This might just turn into a simple bitch...

What the hell is it with some people walking on the sidewalks who won't move over to make room?

Do you really think that I am going to walk out into traffic just for you?!

Grr

So yeah, this is just simply a bitch!